It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
