dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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