Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
