thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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