why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
