I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
