The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
