Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
a search helicopter?!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
