I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
