I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
