It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize