I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm at about main and main street
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
