So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
