ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
