Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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