and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
