the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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