My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
