just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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