...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize