No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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