i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
