I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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