Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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