You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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