It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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