i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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