Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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