idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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