i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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