nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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