4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize