I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
