...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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