Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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