I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
