i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize