is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
