Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
