I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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