Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You ruined the universe
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