"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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