The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
