I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
