I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
