someone get that fucking seahorse.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
