Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
