He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize