I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
