I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
