you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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