she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize