$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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