Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize