Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
