i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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