I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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