im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
