They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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