that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize