you turned your livingroom into a bong?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
