remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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