she pinky promised me she was 18
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize