I think scott just propositioned me for sex
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
