and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
